+ fixate/asphyxiate

[I]

i’m drowning in pools of you ----
teardrops rain down sucked up by my frail bosom
barely cradling the grey mass of heart but satiated with you.

it’s lonely here, despite many thoughts of you ----
my arms are empty so i embrace my demise instead
i’m held only by empty collections of lost hopes for us.
such a twinkle shone in my eye when you came into sight
and yet it remains, but tonight it lies;
rather than be seen by you, i’ve chosen an altered view:
you’ll not see me purely, deceived by my smiles,
i fixate on you nonetheless.

[II]

the moon --- you say she’s beautiful ---
she shines for you --- perhaps ---
--- she shines her sorrow for me
pale sad moonlight conceals me though ---
--- the weak smiles hidden until dawn
they’ll fade quicker you’ll see past i fear ---

[III]

lips graced with poison press to kiss
'to ease the pain / to numb the heart'
my body squandered to armies of imposters
forever pining for your sweet embrace;
lips taste of the sweetest nectar elsewhere
sealed and foreign to this agonized heart
imagined yet unfelt, silence and weak hopes
stifling sweetness. stifling sorrow.

[IV]

eventually everything falls apart:
dust to dust and ash to ash.
even regret crumbles into grains of sandy nothings
now only the edifice of cowardice stands strong
if only i’d been myself
someone strong or even real
i’d have cradled truth and you
yet i tried to to feel
so hard so long so what
now all i do is feel.

[V]

quiet, withdrawn -------- except:
brief whispers blown away by winds of circumstance
circling into the realms of never
gust and isolate further until consuming,
aloneness, consumed.

[VI]

so fragile
so undeserving
so lost
so 'just'
amid shadows she hides
seen only by those who cannot redeem her
disgraced, mutilated once more.

[VII]

pools of you filter through my lungs
i breathe you in so heavily
slowly, tragic beauty:
asphyxiate.

+ c. davis

+ september 1999