Reported by Christian Bautista
Washington D.C. (1600 Pennsylvania Ave. to be precise), USA, Earth--US President Bill Clinton, considered one of the biggest reason behind the Earth's population explosion, has been given the highest "citation" that can be bestowed upon a male homosapien.
On Sept. 6, 1999, at exactly 1 pm Eastern time, Clinton was presented a medal for being voted as Time magazine's "Stud of the Century." The venue of the presentation was the famed Oval Office of the White House, the site of Clinton's most publicized act of infidelity, details of which is too gruesome for this reporter to get into.
On the internet polls conducted by Time magazine on their official website, Clinton edged out Tommy Lee (Drummer of the Rock band Motley Crue) by a landslide. Suspiciously, a lot of votes came in from New York the day Clinton visited the city to look for a house with his "wife" (and I use the term loosely), Hillary.
Coincidence? Perhaps. Speculation though, points to the possibility that the President has been up to his old tricks. You never can teach an old dog new tricks, they say.
In his acceptance speech, Clinton stated, "Hey baby, what can I say? It's a labor of love. And I put stress on love, baby! As the song said, What the world needs now, is LOVE... sweet LOVE!! I'm just providing some "assistance," baby. Whoo!! Before today, I still doubted how widespread my reputation was. Even after fathers locked their daughters up whenever I came rolling into town, I still didn't think I was that feared. Now I only have one thing left to do and I'll be all set. If I can only figure out how to get past eagle-eyed Hillary so I can have some illegitimate children like my hero, Erap Estrada. Oh shucks, was I thinking out loud?!?"
Of course, it goes without saying that after hearing Bill give those statements, Hillary proceeded to beat the President senseless in front of the media and the Time magazine delegation.
Tommy Lee, when asked what he felt about losing to the President, stated, "Oh shoot! #@$%&*@ !!?! What the %^&*#@$#%!##*%&!!?! Why did &%*^$#%*!@#~%#^$!!!?" His statements cannot be shown in a "family" webpage like Planet Trash (that's probably the overstatement of the year). Let's just say he wasn't exactly jumping with joy over the result of the polls.
Later on in the day, Mr. Clinton was told of Tommy Lee's reaction. He responded, "Hey Tommy, I'm a big fan of yours. That video of yours with Pam Anderson... Uhh-Uhmmmm it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it, baby. Can you teach me how you did that "bleep" and that "bleep" on the "bleep""bleep?" Don't be embarassed. To tell you the truth, compared to me you're like a choir boy. You've only been caught with your pants down with one woman. I've been caught with half of the population, baby! Maybe next century, kid." Once again, some of the words in the statement cannot be published on a "family" webpage like Planet Trash.
The award had a cash prize of $10,000.00 to go along with the medal, which the President said he will use for a night out in town.