Headlines for: 08-08-2001

J. LO: ‘I DON’T CHECK OUT PEOPLE’S REAR ENDS!’ NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – There’s no butts about it – Booty- licious Jennifer Lopez claims she doesn’t give a rat’s behind about scoping out other people’s rumps.

WALL STREET EMPLOYEES USE BATHROOM LESS THAN OTHERS NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – There’s a good reason for the pained expression on many Wall Street employees’s faces – they aren’t going to the bathroom enough.

TALKING SMASHED: CHATTY BEER BOTTLE OPENERS SEATTLE (Wireless Flash) – Here’s something Homer Simpson would love: talking beer bottle openers. A Seattle company has just launched a line of bottle openers which emit

MELANIE GRIFFITH: ‘MY HUSBAND DOESN’T WEAR LIFTS’ NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Melanie Griffith is standing up for her husband Antonio Banderas’ height. New York gossip reporter Baird Jones reports Griffith is denying a tabloid

‘COOTER’ TO HOST HAZZARD FAN HOEDOWN SPERRYVILLE, Va. (Wireless Flash) – The guy who played “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard is hosting a hoedown for fans of the corn pone comedy.

CLUBBERS AT RISK FOR TUBERCULOSIS LONDON (Wireless Flash) – Rave-loving clubbers in London are in danger of being exposed to a new, more resistant strain of tuberculosis – and it could happen in America, too.

WHAT’S HOT, ACCORDING TO ROLLING STONE NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – You may think TV dinners are as square as Wally and the Beaver, but they’re a red hot trend according to the hipsters at Rolling Stone.

JOAN RIVERS: ‘CAN WE TALK ABOUT ALIENS?’ NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – UFO followers are crying rivers over comedian Joan Rivers who recently announced that she believes in UFOs, but has since has kept mum about the topic.

SOFTEST HANDS IN AMERICA FOUND IN ATLANTA ATLANTA (Wireless Flash) – Having soft hands has put $1000 in the palm of one Atlanta woman. 27-year-old Naomi Herrera, a promotions and marketing professional, has

FLASH LITES: RIP ‘N’ READ POP CULTURE RECAP CHESSINGTON, England (Wireless Flash) – Gorillas are giving the new Planet of the Apes a thumbs up. According to The Sun tabloid, keepers at a British amusement park recently screened clips of the flick for